How do I address requests for memorials?
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Spontaneous memorials (lockers, desk, etc)-allow for an agreed upon time (5 days would be recommended) with the parents, and monitor for messages that may indicate a student needs additional assistance/intervention.
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Try to avoid memorials/scholarships/benches/t-shirts/bracelets/decals/balloons/ plaques/etc. For example, if a memorial is created for one student, then it will be the expectation the next time there is a student death.
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“It is recommended that schools discourage requests to create and distribute t-shirts and buttons bearing images of the deceased by explaining that, while these items may be comforting to some students, they may be quite upsetting to others. If students come to school wearing such items without first seeking permission, it is recommended that they be allowed to wear the items for that day only, and that it should be explained to them that repeatedly bringing images of the deceased student into the school can be disruptive and can glamorize suicide” (p36 - suicide toolkit) suicide contagion (a group of suicide or suicide attempts that appear close together - behavior that leads to cluster of suicides).
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Consider providing posterboard and markers for students who wish to create a memorial to be delivered to the family by a staff member.
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Permanent Memorials: it is recommended that they be established off school grounds. Moreover, the school should bear in mind that once it plants a tree, puts up a plaque, installs a park bench, or establishes a named scholarship for one deceased student, it should be prepared to do so for others, which can become quite difficult to sustain over time.
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Online Memorial Pages: “Online memorial pages and message boards have become common practice in the aftermath of a death. Some schools (with the permission and support of the deceased student’s family) may choose to establish a memorial page on the school website or on a social networking site. As with all memorialization following a suicide death, such pages should take care not to glamorize the death in ways that may lead other at-risk students to identify with the person who died. It is therefore vital that memorial pages utilize safe messaging, include resources, be monitored by an adult, and be time-limited. It is recommended that online memorial pages remain active for up to 30 to 60 days after the death, at which time they should be taken down and replaced with a statement acknowledging the caring and supportive messages that had been posted and encouraging students who wish to further honor their friend to consider other creative suggestions. If the student’s friends create a memorial page of their own, it is important that school personnel communicate with the students to ensure that the page includes safe messaging and accurate information. School personnel should also join any student-initiated memorial pages so that they can monitor and respond as appropriate.”
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